FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
IT'S TIME TO GET A BITWAVEY
LONDON, UK Iconic British artists today announced a radical new music service, conceived to revolutionise the music business and accelerate the founding members into unimaginable wealth.
Today in London, England a sight as rare as some unicorn shit occurred as the greatest minds of the modern British music world gathered, not at all awkwardly, on a stage at the historically meaningful Lyceum Theatre, home to The Lion King The Musical which wasn't happening because it was the morning. They announced a service called BITWAVEY - it will offer fans and not-fans of music and paying for things the opportunity to subscribe. Users can immerse themselves in STEREO files with bit-rates so high, that only household pets will truly benefit from the sonic majesty of its aural extravagance.
The line up was a who’s who of Brit pop talent, a veritable Illuminati of emotionally challenged men and women with very very special gifts and needs, both on the stage and financial.
“It’s like the f*cking Bilderberg Group for iconic disposable pop people”
Broadcasted Dane Bowers, ex Lead Guitarist of Another Level and rider of Novelty Fun-Bag Hostess Jordan or something.
Like another recent rival service - none of the artists are contractually permitted to offer exclusive content of any kind to the incredible new bat-hearing quality service.
“Nothing you can hear on BITWAVEY will be any different to what is on Spotify. That’s the magic. It’s so simple. It’s expensive, and seems pointless, but it’s actually really very clever”
Said Shayne Ward while weeping quiet Domestos tears into a close friend's pocket.
“The pet-compliant audio quality resulted in me looking very astonished. As an Artist I’ve always wanted a way to share my Artistry with my cats. I have 67 of them and they appreciate true Artists. Some of them recently clubbed together to buy a rare picture by an Artist.”
Mumbled Susan Boyle as she hoisted an ornamental leg onto a podium crafted for the occasion by launch partner Homebase.
The assembled founders then individually pricked their fingers and did a sort of scribble in their own blood onto a mysterious document, that will be sealed in a bomb proof capsule and hidden behind Susan Boyle to prove they are serious.
Returning from a 6 month DJ tour of Rockafellas in Corby, Northants, Danny Dyer described the service as
“So ear canal f*ckingly f*cking good I got a f*cking listening hard on and f*cking kicked some c*nt in the headphones"
Find out more at www.itsallabitwavey.com
IT'S TIME TO GET A BITWAVEY
LONDON, UK Iconic British artists today announced a radical new music service, conceived to revolutionise the music business and accelerate the founding members into unimaginable wealth.
Today in London, England a sight as rare as some unicorn shit occurred as the greatest minds of the modern British music world gathered, not at all awkwardly, on a stage at the historically meaningful Lyceum Theatre, home to The Lion King The Musical which wasn't happening because it was the morning. They announced a service called BITWAVEY - it will offer fans and not-fans of music and paying for things the opportunity to subscribe. Users can immerse themselves in STEREO files with bit-rates so high, that only household pets will truly benefit from the sonic majesty of its aural extravagance.
The line up was a who’s who of Brit pop talent, a veritable Illuminati of emotionally challenged men and women with very very special gifts and needs, both on the stage and financial.
“It’s like the f*cking Bilderberg Group for iconic disposable pop people”
Broadcasted Dane Bowers, ex Lead Guitarist of Another Level and rider of Novelty Fun-Bag Hostess Jordan or something.
Like another recent rival service - none of the artists are contractually permitted to offer exclusive content of any kind to the incredible new bat-hearing quality service.
“Nothing you can hear on BITWAVEY will be any different to what is on Spotify. That’s the magic. It’s so simple. It’s expensive, and seems pointless, but it’s actually really very clever”
Said Shayne Ward while weeping quiet Domestos tears into a close friend's pocket.
“The pet-compliant audio quality resulted in me looking very astonished. As an Artist I’ve always wanted a way to share my Artistry with my cats. I have 67 of them and they appreciate true Artists. Some of them recently clubbed together to buy a rare picture by an Artist.”
Mumbled Susan Boyle as she hoisted an ornamental leg onto a podium crafted for the occasion by launch partner Homebase.
The assembled founders then individually pricked their fingers and did a sort of scribble in their own blood onto a mysterious document, that will be sealed in a bomb proof capsule and hidden behind Susan Boyle to prove they are serious.
Returning from a 6 month DJ tour of Rockafellas in Corby, Northants, Danny Dyer described the service as
“So ear canal f*ckingly f*cking good I got a f*cking listening hard on and f*cking kicked some c*nt in the headphones"
Find out more at www.itsallabitwavey.com
FOUNDING FATHERS AND MOTHERS:
Zig and Zag, Frank Sidebottom, Shane Ward, Danny Dyer, Simon Webbe off of Blue, Curiosity Killed The Cat, Brand New Heavies, S Club 7, Susan Boyle, Enya